It is quite natural for your cat to curl up on your person, placing their head on your chest and their body on your arm. If you move in any way, shape, or form that disturbs your cat's peaceful slumber, they will mewl and look at you as if you are the anti-Christ. Once you remove your numb arm from under their body, they will stretch one paw, extend their very long and sharp claws and pluck your lip. They will then reestablish their position and fall back asleep.
In the midst of all of this, I am, for the first time watching Eat, Pray, Love. I have to say that I am pleased that it is sticking pretty close the book. I also have to say that it is making me contemplate how I could go about taking a vow of silence for a couple of weeks. Would my boss and coworkers be okay with this? Would I be able to do my job? More importantly, would I be able to keep my mouth shut for that long? To me, the vow of silence would also include no facebook, no blog. Just the very thought of it has my self-control wavering and I haven't even attempted the first minute of self-induced silence. I also think that many of my friends would be sooo thankful to have me take a vow of silence for the next three weeks because that would preclude me from making any more political statements until after the election - and we have one more debate coming up.
I do need to start a regiment of meditation. But in true American form, I am thinking I must first have a diffuser to have the right essential oils emitting into the air the appropriate scents for my calm and well being; for my ability to meditate properly. Oh, and we must have an appropriate outfit as well. That's a bunch of crap. If I was truly ready to begin my new lifestyle of meditation, I'd break out the 15,000 Partylite candles I have hoarded for the past 5 years and light them. I'd sit in the dark, with only the candlelight, clear my mind, all while wearing my pajamas. I would awaken every morning at 5:30, make the Morning Drink, do my yoga, and spend at least 20 minutes meditating before hitting the start button on the coffee pot.
Is it a pipe dream, or will I get off my rear end and begin the path to finding my center? It all depends on whether or not the cat gets off of my arm.....
Seriously though, who doesn't need to find their balance, their sense of self, the place in their life where love flows freely through them touching all who encounter them, with no malice or aforethought, just with the nature of their existence. I know you think I am crazy. I think I am onto something. You can't love anyone else unless you love yourself. And right now, I don't love myself. I am very good at kicking my own ass. I am very good at detecting my flaws, taking ownership of those flaws, and analyzing them until they resemble a petrified and molded piece of meatloaf that has sat in the refrigerator just a month or so too long. I am so good at erecting mental walls and placing guards at their rare weaknesses or openings. I use past experiences as justification for my walls and I use that justification to deny myself the act and the potential joys of living.
Maybe that is one lesson Tinker is trying so very hard to teach me. No matter how many times I shoo him away, he is determined to get closer. He is determined to snuggle, determined to show me he loves me, no matter how big of a bitch I am. He still loves me. And he drools to show his love.
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